we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
