I want to walk on stilts...naked
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
