Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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