woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
