as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
