New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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