he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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