I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
