I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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