a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
