Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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