The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
