after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
