I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
