So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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