we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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