So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
