Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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