evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Randomize
