I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
