We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
