he wants to bone in the snuggie
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
