We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's just like the Real World with babies
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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