I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We smell like vodka and hangover
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
