Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
