you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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