ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
