do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
