I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize
