Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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