i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
everyone is single if you try hard enough
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
