Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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