I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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