Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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