i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
