you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
