OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
