She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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