I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
