Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
