You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
