He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
