using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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