All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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