Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
