ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
