I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
