dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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