I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
