Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is my gift to your gina
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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