You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
