My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
organizing the empties. That sober.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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