are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
