go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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