I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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