Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
